Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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