No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
