Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
