Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
