Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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