I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
