what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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