from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
