Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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