it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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