it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
