By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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