Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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