my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
