You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
