I want to walk on stilts...naked
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
