At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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