she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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