Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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