just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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