last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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