We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
