if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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