Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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