i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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