youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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