i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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