fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
