We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
