Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
