we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
