Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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