Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
