so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
