Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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