it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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