all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
