you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
