Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
