the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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