i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
