did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
