Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am available for nakedness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
