lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
