have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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