This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize