If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
