its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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