So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
