Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize