he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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