Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
