I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
