And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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