I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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