When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
