why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
