can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
