so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize