Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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