He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
