I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My cat gives me a boner
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
