So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
