TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
