Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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