are you still at the devil's house?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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