He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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