Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
