We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
