you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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