it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
