Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
