apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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