what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
