every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
