At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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