I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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