so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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