We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
