She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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