Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
