Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
