Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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