she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
