And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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