somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
