I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
