Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
