Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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