She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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