The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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