he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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