The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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