Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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