While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if only i could text you this smell
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
