There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love having hate sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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