The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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