Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
