oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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