He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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