And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
