so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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