Jerry, you need to find god
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
