I could make wine with my vomit
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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