i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
