She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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