On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
