what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
