I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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