I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
