I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
