I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They took my balls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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