Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
