the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize