im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
