I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
