Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
