do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
