carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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