How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
