1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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