I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
