My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he puts the penis in happiness.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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