thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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