I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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