honey bunches of taint.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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