I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
