in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
