We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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