Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
