I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
