Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
