party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
