sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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