I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
