Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
