Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize